Still Hospital

Yep, he is still in the hospital. He is pretty sick, but I talked to him around 9 PM and he sounded better than he has sounded in days. He thinks that the meds that they are giving him for his throat are the reason, but I'm thinking it's more that he's got fluids and some nutrition in him. The Dr says he might be able to come home tomorrow... that makes me a bit nervous because I'm not sure that I can take care of him... hopefully he'll be closer to the end of this round of chemo sickness and we'll be better prepared the next time.

God has shown me some amazing things today. Even tho things are pretty crapy, believe me, they are crapy... He has given me an amazing support system. Tonight I went to practice for Sunday's service (worship team) and the people on my team were just so loving and kind. We spent an hour talking about what's going on with John, but also what is going on in all of their lives. One of the guys (Chuck) was able to encourage me by telling a story from his week and how God has shown himself to Chuck and his family. It was such a gift! Also, there is a verse that I want to share with you... Ryan, the worship pastor at our church was given this verse a few weeks ago and I have been clinging to it and praying it and I know that God will keep all his promises.

Isaiah 57:18-19 "I have see his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel. Peace, peace to those far and near" says the LORD. "And I will heal them" This is his promise that HE WILL HEAL JOHN!! Praise his mighty name!

Psalm 30:5...weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Yesterday I wrote that I wish I knew the end of this story - about John's cancer, how is it all going to turn out. Today I realized I DO know how it ends, WE WIN!!! No matter what, no matter how long or how hard, we have a Savior who has made the way for us to live in victory. Praise God for his work on the cross through the person of Jesus! I would choose for John to be miraculously healed...today...I know that God is working all of this for our good and His glory. There isn't anything on this earth that is worth more than His glory.

So, I might moan & complain some more on this blog, but we serve an amazing God who loves John more than we can ever imagine.

Thanks for all your comments. It really makes my day to see your responses :)

Hospital...

Today John was running a temp around 102 so we called the Dr and he had us come right on in... you know the rest based on the title. They admitted John after taking some bloodwork and finding out that he has low white blood cell counts. I guess we really wern't shocked, but it still wasn't fun. This isn't uncommon but it isn't good. He's on antibodics and fluids which is good, and he's where they can watch him and help him 24/7. They ran a bunch of tests and we won't have results for 2 days because they have to run cultures and that takes a little time. If you're in the area, he really doesn't want any visitors right now. He's pretty sick, sicker than I've ever seen anyone. Keep praying!

Please pray that he gets stronger and helathy once again. Pray that Sam & Sara don't freek out, they seem to be handling it all well and pray that John stops worrying about all his responsibilities and worrys about getting well. He promised me he would keep fighting!! I'll post more when I know something.

What Day is it Anyway?

I don't know the day number, and I don't care :). John's Dr apt yesterday showed that all is ok for him to get his 2nd round of chemo on the 8th of Sept. OH JOY... he gets to continue to be miserable for a whole 'nother round!! All of his blood work was acceptable even tho he is dehydrated and has lost 10lbs in one week. He is suffering so much with this chemo. They said it would be bad and it's aggressive because the cancer is so aggressive. I don't go back and read what I've written before so if I'm repeating myself, just skip ahead to the new stuff :).

He really continues to slide into worse and worse shape. Just when we think he's going to be over the worst, it gets even worse. Please pray for him his stomach gets such bad cramps that he can't hardly stand it. So bad that the triage nurse suggested he try some of his pain meds from his surgery. UGH!!! He also needs to drink more but that hurts his mouth...yep the sores are beginning to show up. If that's not enough, he's also so very tired, talking is a real chore for him. So, keep praying. I know that God is listening, I trust in Him completely, it's just hard when my ways aren't His ways and my thoughts aren't His thoughts. It'd be nice to see the rest of the story today...

I'm still trying to climb out of my hole. Becky stole me today for lunch - thanks Becky. It acutally was fun. It's nice to go into the world and not think cancer, cancer, cancer. I gotta tell you, until you walk thru this with someone, you really don't get how horid it is. I really wouldn't wish it this on my worst enemy... ok, maybe my worst enemy, but I don't think satan can get cancer.... or maybe he IS cancer... ok, just a thought.

Ok, that's it for today. I don't even know what to ask you to speciffically pray for except for what's above... Good thing the Holy Spirit can pray with the moans and groans... Karin, I bet you know that reference.. can someone tell me where that is? Love you all!

What day is it anyway+

Still Sick

Dang,

I didn't think John could get sicker, but he is. Please pray that the nausea(& the other end) will end soon. He is also so very tired. We knew all of this would come, but it still sucks. On the good side of things, we got his pump finished and off without a hitch. We did call the nurse on call and she walked us thru the process, but next time it will be VERY EASY. We were a good team :). John actually did most of it himself and he did it while feeling sick and super tired. It still kills me to see him like this. He actually seems to be to tired to even talk sometimes :(.

This morning we were on our way to church and we got a flat tire... someone litterally put a ceremic mug, right side up, on the road. It was litterally right on the tire path but I didn't see it in time, road over it and yes, it punctured the tire. There is no way that this was there by accident. It's just another one of those things that I have no doubt was part of satan's plan to just keep hitting the Baxters... Sam Sara and I were litterally yelling at satan and telling him that he isn't going to win, he can't have us and we aren't going to be discouraged.

Ian Smith, my sweet friend from church litterally called 10 seconds after we hit the mug because I didn't go to 2nd service today (we were heading to 3rd service) and Ian, his dad and his mom came rushing over and figured out how to get my spare down...the three Baxters couldn't figure it out....and changed my tire for me ;). So, we all went out to breakfast. I wish I could have gone to church, but God reminded me that I am surrounded by amazing people, all in my life because of God (and my amazing church), and what satan caused to cause us grief wound up being so funny and fun. I laughed so hard while we all were trying to figure out how to get the tire down (I was reading the directions to get it up duh) and it just struck me as so funny. It really felt good to laugh...it even makes me smile thinking of it now. I'm going to attempt to tell you why I laughed, it might be one of those where you had to be there but here goes -

Sam Sara and I were doing what the instructions said to do (remember, we didn't know we were looking at the directions to put the tire BACK, not get it OFF the underside of the car) and it was very confusing. When Ian & his crew arrived, they took over and I was still was reading the directions to him and it wasn't working....so I stoppped reading, his mom ( starting reading, his dad, Larry was under the car. His dad got out of the car, I was trying to tell him what I thought and how I was confused, Sam and Sara were offering their advice. Then Larry took the directions from Susanne and started reading them...while Ian was muttering to himself under the car - or talking to someone I'm not sure - and it was just sooo funny. I think I crossed over to Crazy Land (sure beats being in Sad Land) but it just struck me as so very funny... are you even chucking a little??

Well, back to reality. I appreciate your prayers continnually. I know God is listening, he is gracious and compationate!

Well, day five is even worse :(. John isn't feeling very good, but he decided to go to The Cove for a bit of the game. He's here right now. The good news is even tho he's not feeling well, he is able to eat. He had a GREAT lunch. 5 soft shell tacos with extra beans for protein!!! Sara had the best idea for when John looses his hair - his bald spot is blooming!! I thought that was so funny - John got a good chuckle out of it.

The good news is that sometime tomorrow John will be done with the 5 day pump chemo dohicky. He is really looking forward to getting that taken out. It will be nice to be tubeless for awhile. I'm trying to think of something to write, but the truth is we are basically living & breathing chemo right now. Both Sam & Sara have friends at the game tonight so that is really good. They both seem to be having a good time..

Prayer requests haven't really changed -
John not to get sick
Kids to be ok and a new one -
One of the side effects from the 5 day chemo is mouth sores - REALLY BAD, maybe even going down his throat. we are praying that they aren't very bad, or really that he just doesn't get any.

That's about it for today. Keep praying. It means so much!

Day 4

Today wasn't as good as yesterday. John started getting sick today. The problem is more trying to figure out what to eat maybe even more than eating. Not much sounds good, but he thought he would like some mashed potatoes and cole slaw from KFC, so that's what we got for him and so far...so good! He is at the game tonight. I think he should do whatever he wants to do - and he wanted to go to work today :).

I have so many great friends who have been awesome and here for me. That has been amazingly helpful. I have been hiding in a hole and they have been gracious and let me hide, but they keep checking in - thanks, you know who you are!!! I have decided that I need to climb out of my hole, I need to be a part of the world! This is going to be hard. I don't like to talk about what's going on. Anyway, we have an awesome game tomorrow night. I'm going to try to make it there and stay.

Prayer:
Still for John to not get as sick as everyone is predicting
I can find my way out of the hole
Kids continue to have as normal of days that they can.

Well, day three and he still isn't sick :). He is really tired all the time and seems to be loosing his appitite. I'm actually pretty impressed because he came home today (after going to work this am) around 11:30 and rested... He said he didn't want to over do it which is sooo cool and so not like him! He LOVES being at the ball park but has been very good about NOT being at the ballpark!!! So, we are doing ok today - no puke, no other stuff and he's actually behaving! We're still praying that he won't get sick at all and that the kids have great days at school. Sara had a tough time today, she loves her dady so much. Sam also has moments when he just kind of looses it, but I think he takes a lot of out out on the football field - which is awesome.

That's it for today. I'm still hanging in there. God is gracious and compassionate!

1st 2 Days of Chemo

John had his 1st chemo treatment on Monday and he did very well. Everyone he talked to said that the sick starts on like the 3rd or 4th day which is tomorrow :(. It has been our prayer since we heard about how brutal this chemo is that God will supernaturally release John from the horror everyone says to expect. We know that God is in charge, soverign and he knows what he's doing but dang, it's really hard. Seeing him come home yesterday with a little tube coming out of his chest, attached to a pump that is loading him with chemicals that in the short term are going to kick is butt is a very hard thing to see. He is adjusting to having the pump with him. It's small as a pump would go, but still it's in a fanny pack that is probably 5 inches long and 2-3 inches thick. You can hear it when it puts them meds in and it vibrates also. Yesterday was a very hard day for me... it was the day before shcool and the kids were running around like crazy people and john was stressed and he wound up almost getting sick. Please pray that he lets go of all the stupid stuff he is worrying about... he is worried about stuff he NEVER worries about...like what the kids are eating for breakfast... and that he will concentrate on kicking the butt out of this stupid little germ that is called cancer.

As I have said before, you all are very important to us, or you wouldn't have been invited to walk with me thru this blog (man, that sounds really pius, but you guys know what I mean). Please don't be upset if you call and I don't answer. There could be 2 reasons, either I am busy..you have no idea how busy our lives are right now... or I just don't feel like talking. I have a very wise friend (thanks Rob & Carolyn) who told me today to let God minister to me thru this time however He deem fit. I have also said that all I want is to glorify Him in all I do but that might look different than it has in other seasons... Prayer requests:

John will let go of everything but getting better
I will glorify God in all I say and do
Kids will completely loose theirselves in school & friends and have FUN and be relaxed while there.

Love you all.... I'm still trying to blog everyday. Does anyone know how to unlock the comments section? My pal Tori told me it was locked and i have NO idea what to do.. If you know, please e-mail me at rita923@hotmail.com. Thanks!

Saturday

Today is a down day since it's the weekend. John's surgery was a success...no big deal, he has a little pain but he's doing great. I'm dreading Monday, he is probably more... Please pray that people will be mystified at how well he does and that he doesn't have nausea or the horid sore throat and mouth sores that they are all saying he WILL get... We'll just give God all the glory.... I'll write more on Monday.

OK, new plans

Today we saw the chemo Dr. and John saw the radiation doctor for the "plan" - where they are going to radiate him. He got like a tatoo or something that helps them plan where to shoot the radiation. So, now we are NOT going to Michigan and having surgery, we are going to do the chemo starting monday, john will be getting a port put inside his chest tomorrow and that is where they will administer the chemo. Monday he'll be there 8 hours - getting 3 different types of medicine. This is some really wicked stuff, guaranteed to make him feel miserable, loose his hair and if he doesn't drink enough fluids, his kidneys will shut down...Happy Thursday to John! He is going to have to drink 50% of his weight in oz (like 140 oz) a day. We need a portable bathroom!!! After his 8 hours, he comes home and has a pump that will be administering some other drug slowly, 24/7 for 5 days. After this, he'll wait 21 days and do it all again. Everyone we talked to said this is just going to totally kick his butt. They are giving him 3 different types of nausea meds to take at the same time. It's so bad that they probably won't radiate at the same time or he'll be just too sick.

Here's the latest greatest prayer requests:

Surgery tomorrow to install the port - goes well & lite pain
Chemo will go off without any hitches...
John will be as comfortable as possible,
God will supernaturally keep the side effects to an absolute minimum
Sam & Sara won't be scared if John gets really sick.

If you are reading this, you are vitally important in our lives. We appreciate you praying more than you could know.

Please also pray for me, that I'll glorify God as I am pretty ticked off right now, not at him, but at life.

What the heck do you title these things anyway?

Since last post (ok 2 posts ago), we have been on another roller coaster. I'm hoping that soon John & I will stop thinking we know what is next because it never turns out that way. Weekends are hard, because there isn't ever any info or tests or appointments and you kinda feel like you are just sitting around and letting the cancer spread. That is a awful.

We finally found out what the mass on his chest is> It's matrix hair something... more common in kids, but it is benign. That's the important part. It's extremely rare... leave it to John to keep on going with the rare stuff... He is so one of a kind!!!

Yesterday we had the meeting with the Radiation Oncologist. It was good to feel like we are moving forward, but in the end, the Doctor, Hornbeck- WHO WAS AWESOME, by the way, said that he wanted John to go to to the surgeon in Michigan 1st. Dr. Hornbeck thinks that we might want to do the surgery 1st, and maybe not even do any radiation. We should hear today (Wednesday) from the Michigan Dr, and the Chemo doctor. I think that if we can get John into surgery, then at least the tumor is out... somehow that just seems huge to me. He will probably have to do chemo regardless, but maybe not radiation. I didn't know how nasty radiation is. I thought only chemo made you sick, but radiation does too... Cancer is just some nasty stuff....

As far as John goes, he's really in his "Let's get this going" mode. When he is in this frame of mind, all he want's is results, doesn't really like small talk and is irritated easily. Completely understandable... I say that so that you would know if he seems short with you, don't take it personally. You all know what a sweetie he is... He's just in fix this NOW mode!! Make sense?

We appreciate your prayers more than anything. Now we are asking specifically for prayer about:

We'll hear from Michigan soon
We'll get an appointment in Michigan NEXT WEEK
We'll hear from the chemo Dr TODAY
John will have peace
I will be able to cry

I haven't cried yet... I really need to do that. I feel like I have to be strong when I'm around the kids, and if I loose it around John, I know he'll feel really bad about that. He's mentioned to me he doesn't want the kids to be hurting. I think that causes him more pain then thinking about his immediate future... So anyway, I'm still living in numb-land and I don't like it here. I know that God is big, God is near and God is holding me up through all this but I just want to FEEL his embrace. Ok, that's everything

Sorry I've been gone...

It's sometimes hard to just sit and type what's going on because I think I've been in the denial phase (if there is such a thing) so if you've called and I haven't picked up, please understand. This sucks and it's hard to talk... but today I've moved to angry. Yesterday I was so mad... the day is young today, so we'll see. I wanted to post this real quick for anyone who's been waiting for an update. I'm going to type the long story now so it should be up in a few minutes. I might have to get Sam at foodball pratice while I'm typing, but something will be here soon... I almost promise... :)

The Spot On His Back

IS NOT CANCER!!! PRAISE THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS I don't know enough to make this font 400 so, pretend this is really big. We are waiting on the results of the biopsy of his chest but for today Me & My House will PRAISE THE LORD.

Today Was Better!

Today John had his biopsy on his chest site and the MRI for the site on his lower back. We have to wait 2 days for the chest biopsy. They put the samples - they took 8 of them - in some dye and it takes a couple of days for it to soak into the sample. The MRI results may be known tomorrow. The results will indicate if we have to do further research on the spine or if it's nothing. We are REALLY hoping that those results come before the weekend. There are 2 reasons for that: 1. Don't want to wait the weekend and 2. Steve & Janet are going on vacation and we REALLY don't want to wait a week. Steve and Janet have been SO awesome. It's like we are their only patient - which isn't the case because Steve has a HUGE pratice. I know I've said this every time I've posted... but we are already at the stage in this journey that takes most cancer patients 6 weeks or more to get to.

The next step is for John to go to a Radiation Oncologist. Janet has already scheduled an appointment for next Tuesday afternoon. She said that we may love this guy more than we love her (which is A LOT). Everytime Janet refers us, the Doctor turns out to be the best in the city!!! Pretty awesome. So, John gets a couple of days off to just be a regular person without having someone putting needles in him or sticking tubes down his throat!!!

God gave me a couple of hugs today.. A friend, Michelle, sent me an e-mail at just the moment I knew I needed some specific prayer and I know she is a praying machine. When I went to worship team pratice tonight, I felt that God had really heard and was beginning to send me the answer. Also, my mom in law Judy sent me an e-mail with a conformation that the surgeon that Steve & Janet hooked us up with is the best in the business. Judy's sister is a nurse & was talking to another doctor who told her that our Dr was the best in the business.... All of these things the day after we had a bad day. What's going on in our life is really hard, but our God is a BIG BIG God and he cares so much about us.

I just re-read that paragraph and it hardly makes sense to me and I wrote it. All that is to say, God is here, he loves us and he is working through this horid situation for our good and his glory. That's his promise to us and today he proved once again that he is true to his word. He is faithful and awesome and always holding us in his arms...

Today wasn't the best day...

Well, things are moving really quickly as you know. Today we found out that there is a suspecious area somewhere around John's spine. He is having a MRI tomorrow at 1:10 to get a better look at the area. It is in the L1 area of his lower back. We wern't expecting this. I don't know when I'm going to stop being blown away by the test results. I keep telling myself that this is ok and we're going to be fine but poor John just keeps getting knocked down. Please pray that he will sleep tonight, that he won't worry TOO much and that Sam and Sara will not be to stressed by all of this.

He also has an area on his chest, but really we aren't that worried about that. The Dr. said that it really looks like a fatty tumor and they are doing a biopsy tomorrow at 7:30 am. Again, all of this is going so fast because Steve & Janet - and now I hear their daughter Kelly who works in the office is being a huge help too - are calling all their Dr buddies and getting all of this stuff done faster than we can even keep up... They are so amazing, I don't know how I'll ever be able to approprately thank them.

Again I know that my God is way bigger than any of this stuff...right now I could use him to flex his muscles and send us all some peace.

Well, Here We Are

This is the intro to the blog... John was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer on Friday, July 31st. The specific kind is adenocarinoma. We don't really know much more right now. The worst part of a diagnosis like this is waiting after they tell you to the time you can start treatment and getting better... Well, we have a very dear friend who happens to be a doctor. He is the team doc, his speciality is bones but he loves John like a brother and has graciously been acting as John's advocate. We have already had all but one of the tests we need for the surgeon to see John to start talking about the type of surgery he will need. It just so happens that the bone doctor...Hiss name is Steve asked some of his chest doctor friends what the treatment and who was the treatment people for this tupe of cancer. The doctor who is the one who has developed the surgery that is the gold standard surgery for the type of procedure John needs...is someone that Steve knows. On Monday morning..before we officially had the diagnosis, Steve called this guy at the University of Michigan who has agreed to take John's case. The dr in Michigan told Steve what tests were needed and by tomorrow at noon, John will have had all the tests he needs to see the Dr in Michigan. Steve's wife has been on the phone non stop with all the people we need to see, pulling in all the favors she can and she is getting everyone get all the results quicker than should be humanly possible. OK, that was a huge, quick and probably hard to understand explination of what has been happening since Friday.

The real thing that we need to see here is that God's hand is all over this already. It would usually not be possible for someone to have ALL the tests they need this quickly. Even more impossible would be the fact that John has an appointment with the BEST surgeon in the entire US for this type of situation. As we all know, with cancer the earlier you detect and treat the better your chances are for a great outcome. God has been so gracious, he has placed all the right people in our life to move this faster than anyone could possibly ask. AND.. God gave us Steve and Janet (his wife) who are advocating for John like he was their flesh and blood. They have been AMAZING. How do you thank someone for saving your husband's life???

So, you are up to date. Please... Please.... Please pray for John. That the treatment will be swift, correct and completely successful also pray for his spirit to be calm...the only one who can provide calm during this is our amazing and loving Father in Heaven.